i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
