I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
