There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
