If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
