i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
