Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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