i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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