She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
