I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
