Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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