Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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