Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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