Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
