I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
They took my balls.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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