Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
