he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
