Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
