Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
