Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
