found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
