You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
