I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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