how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
