Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
