nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
