also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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