i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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