apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
