I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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