if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
