He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
