Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
