Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
