I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
