we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
