Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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