Pants 0. Shit 1.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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