I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
