Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
