he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
