Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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