Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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