I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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