Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There was a lot of him and a little penis
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
