I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
