i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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