Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
