Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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