Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
