remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
