This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
