i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
