dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
