1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
