The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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