Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
