Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
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i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
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Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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