she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
