Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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