i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
