So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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