I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
