I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
