whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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