You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
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Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
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Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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