No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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