a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
