Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.

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(443): and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life. http://tfl.nu/6kb7

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(+44): View more from England

Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.

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(+44): Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms. http://tfl.nu/jipl

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(503): View more from Oregon

when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on

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(503): when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on http://tfl.nu/x4cw

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.

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(843): Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind. http://tfl.nu/e2m5

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.

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(267): You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian. http://tfl.nu/n8zg

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(513): View more from Ohio

After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.

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(513): After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God. http://tfl.nu/onhi

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(815): View more from Illinois

The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd

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(815): The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd http://tfl.nu/v8gr

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(940): View more from Texas

I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....

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(940): I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk.... http://tfl.nu/3fzx

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(860): View more from Connecticut

You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.

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(860): You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie. http://tfl.nu/zzfj

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(574): View more from Indiana

I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.

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(574): I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child. http://tfl.nu/o0ig

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table

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(603): therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table http://tfl.nu/r83g

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(847): View more from Illinois

Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.

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(847): Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that. http://tfl.nu/stzp

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(845): View more from New York

I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.

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(845): I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up. http://tfl.nu/mw75

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society

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(307): I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society http://tfl.nu/0efv

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.

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(202): I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself. http://tfl.nu/zw8t

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