So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
