Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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