u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
