$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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