Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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