Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She told me I should be a condom model.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
