Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
